... [ snatches them from him and looks side, face burning red with both anger and embarrassment. ] Is this what I get for looking forward to spending time with you?
I... shouldn't have played with you like that. I didn't mean for you to get your hopes up. I should have... just been honest with you from the beginning.
[he wants to look at her face, but he feels like it's a bad idea right now]
I know exactly what you were insinuating... And if you're going to do something like that to anybody, then it's best to do it to somebody like me.
[ her tail coils around his wrist this time and she jerks him inside, eyes turning to slits as she stares him down. ]
If you're going to get to know somebody else, then you're going to have to get to know yourself first, and if you refuse to do even that... then how do you intend to be happy?
[fuck. he should just tell her, shouldn't he? he owes her. but it's terrifying to admit, as much to himself as someone else.
...]
I... I don't want to hurt you. I'm jealous, and possessive, and if you give me an inch I'll take a mile. I'll destroy everything and everyone else who even looks at you. I'll make you miserable. I'll make you hate me.
...
No, that's... not it. It's more selfish than that. [laughs a little, breathy and unhinged] I'm just... a coward who's afraid... of getting hurt.
I don't think I could ever hate you, Raven, ...least of all more than I hate myself. [ a self depreciating laugh. ] But if you're afraid of getting hurt, then that just means you're desperate for love, yeah, ..? since, like, you can't know one without knowing the other.
[ she reaches to take both of his hands, gentle, as she traces random patterns as she continues. ]
You're not a coward.
...something like this cuts deeper than any sword ever could, so it's alright to be scared. But you're not alone, Raven, you never have to be alone again.
Whatever this is, whatever we have, it's not going anywhere. Ever.
You shouldn't make a promise like that. You need to know when to run, to save yourself. Don't let some selfish fool like me devour you. Claw your way out if you have to.
No, actually, though I hadn't really liked the changes my body underwent in the other hell initially.
I've come to terms with them now. In fact, I even like some of them.
I hate myself, because I'm... [ she takes a deep breath, turning her face the slightest amount so she can hide it in one of his hands. ] because I'm a failure.
I was a mech pilot back home, one of five, and... [ swallows, jaw setting tight as she clenches her teeth behind a forced smile. ] I jumped the gun, I guess, which is no real surprise for the likes of me, y'know. [ an almost pitiful laugh follows. ]
But it was our job to defend our home... And I... I died...
I let my country down. I let my team down. And I let myself down.
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