What part of she caps out at 220 don't you understand? I'm not a FiN, so I can't make her go any faster and I can't technobullshit her any better without buying parts, which I'm not even sure exist in the shop. I have a whopping 70 points, so I can't even buy you another sandwich.
And if this keeps up [ she motions to the speedometer and how she rides her hard and how he's riding her hard. ] I'm going to need new tires and... I doubt she's going to last much longer. My van already needs a new windshield. [ she's just going to sit back in her seat and try not to groan into her hands. ]
I probably should have not invested in a little self restra- ha. [ sits back up. ] If we head back to my workshop there is something I wanted to give you. Aaaalso I did spend my last bunch of points on stuff to fill the void my mech is never going to fill. [ never going to let that go. ]
[In this rare bizarro world where D.Va wants Intensity to show restraint, he complies. Dropping the speed to a modest 200. That's more than enough for him to still be a terror on the highway though. Good thing there aren't any other cars.]
Is this void a fleet of vehicles?
[And laughs]
A van? Please. Don't tell me you got stuck with soccer mom duty for Heart Soldier. They can get their own transportation.
[ GOOD THING. and, ouch, he hit the nail on the head with that. she makes a face at him. ] It might be. If I had been on FiN I probably could have had a personal assistant mini mech or something... [ sighs. she could have also worked all of the tech here, which is something that irks her on occasion. like, her workshop is pretty fucken useless. she tried learning another hobby and it just wasn't the same. only snaps out of her thoughts when he starts poking fun of her van. ]
I like my van, thank you very much. And would you trust any of them behind the wheel, no. Driving is my job. Soccer mom during the day and, IDK, [ vague hand motions. ] racecar driver by night.
...well, there is something else, but I have to wait until I have enough points. It's actually what I'd hit you up about when pre-hell-venture started, but that'll have to wait. It'll be something real interesting, that I can promise.
Just remember to call an experiment live, so I can get more points. An experiment in driving me crazy. [ more laughter. ] I don't think even half of them know what a car is, though thankfully from being here they've learned. Ohhhh, this will certainly be something else...
[ ...she whines at the thought. her poor car. don't mind her leaning her head on the window and setting a hand on the car door. ] I need to be the first one to run her ragged, so that's our job today. We're going to drive her into the ground.
I'm going to keep you in suspense. It'll be more fun that way. And don't hate the players, Intensity, hate the game.
[ she keeps a loose grip on the wheel so he can move it as his leisure, only gripping it hard when she wants to tighten any of the turns or other maneuvers he’s making, though she doesn’t do it often or really at all, because at these speeds the slightest miscalculation could send the car rolling down the highway. ]
[ ...brakes, pft, who needs ‘em. ]
I’m glad this place is deserted and all, but it would be a bit more interesting with a few others around to eat our dust. The vid room is great and all, but there’s nothing like this...
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Only one of us is a zombie.
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I've survived much more than you, zombie or no.
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I was worried about my car.
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I can take fix whatever I break.
[This is actually probably not true]
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[ snickers when he shifts gears again. ]
c’Mon Intensity, do you really think I haven’t already pushed her to her limits? Looks like she caps out at around 220.
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What? Going soft in your old age?
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What part of she caps out at 220 don't you understand? I'm not a FiN, so I can't make her go any faster and I can't technobullshit her any better without buying parts, which I'm not even sure exist in the shop. I have a whopping 70 points, so I can't even buy you another sandwich.
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[Laughs as that speedometer is going over 220 - the needle just hanging on the edge of nothing]
And don't look at me. I'm always scraping by to pay the rent.
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I probably should have not invested in a little self restra- ha. [ sits back up. ] If we head back to my workshop there is something I wanted to give you. Aaaalso I did spend my last bunch of points on stuff to fill the void my mech is never going to fill. [ never going to let that go. ]
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Is this void a fleet of vehicles?
[And laughs]
A van? Please. Don't tell me you got stuck with soccer mom duty for Heart Soldier. They can get their own transportation.
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I like my van, thank you very much. And would you trust any of them behind the wheel, no. Driving is my job. Soccer mom during the day and, IDK, [ vague hand motions. ] racecar driver by night.
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[Lifts one hand off the wheel for air quotes]
"Responsible"?
The rest though---
Could be amusing if nothing else? Especially if you got a stick-shift.
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And this is stick, which is why I’m reluctant. I don’t need somebody stalling her out, though I may have to see.
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That's quality content right there. Better than most games even.
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I'll do it only if you promise to be on stand-by for when one of them inevitably crashed my precious car and it needs to be pieced back together.
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[He also laughs in return]
Done deal. That just means I get multiple rounds of entertainment so that's a win/win for me.
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Just remember to call an experiment live, so I can get more points. An experiment in driving me crazy. [ more laughter. ] I don't think even half of them know what a car is, though thankfully from being here they've learned. Ohhhh, this will certainly be something else...
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...
Going to keep me in suspense about the other? Or should I wait until Heart Soldier kisses their way to another victory?
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I'm going to keep you in suspense. It'll be more fun that way. And don't hate the players, Intensity, hate the game.
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You want to drive then?
Seems only fair you'd get to break her in.
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[ sits back up in her seat. ] Let me see what sort of crazy shit you can do behind the wheel, Intensity.
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He crooks a finger at D.Va.
Come here.]
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[ hesitates,
but takes care in shifting over the center console and into his lap. ]
[ she’s glad he can’t see her face, which is a bit pink, as her hands immediately find the wheel. ]
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And the wheel will move effortlessly under her fingertips.
Though the car will once again zoom up to maximum speed. And the brakes will only work "somewhat". Drifting or banking or get the fuck out.]
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[ ...brakes,
pft, who needs ‘em. ]
I’m glad this place is deserted and all, but it would be a bit more interesting with a few others around to eat our dust. The vid room is great and all, but there’s nothing like this...
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LIVE
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