420blazeit | 🎮 INBOX.

[ she hears her, but she doesn't peer over the edge. just stares straight up at the sky, though she's really got no interest in the stars anymore. ]

[More rustling, then a pause––

And then a soft grunt followed by a sharp, long hiss.]

[ alright, now that's something she can't ignore, so instead of just looking down at kohime she's going to jump down and start toward her. ]

What are you doing?

[welp tw for self-injury

because she's sunk a small knife into her arm, damn near through it, and has her ears pinned back and tail lashing as she stands with blood dripping onto the ground.]

[ she's going to rush over as soon as she sees the knife and the blood and grab her freaking wrist. ] What the fuck do you think you're doing?! [ squeezes, tight, giving her a tug until she's close enough for her to pull the knife out. ]

Kohime, answer me! [ it's a bit difficult one handed, but she'll be attempting to cut up her skirt, so she can make some makeshift bandages. ]

[She jerks and gives another hiss, because that hurts and it makes the bleeding worse, and then she twisting to try and pull away.]

Isn't that your thing? Bleed for you?

Let go of me!

I am NOT going to let go!

[ but since she's clearly hurting her she will ease her grip. ]

Did doing this make you feel better?
Do you think hurting yourself helped?

I said, let go.

And I said no.

I want you to tell me why...

You tell me! This is your whole thing, right? It's supposed to prove something?

But it doesn't matter what I do, it won't make a difference!

If it's my whole stupid thing, then why the hell are you doing it?!

Stop saying that! Stop it, Kohime, stop it right! now!! Do you know how many times I could have walked away because of something like this! Instead of trying to make it work I could have just been like I'm done, but I refuse to do that, because I. love. you. and I think you're worth all the effort. Stop comparing yourself to other people! You're not other people and that's why I care about you!

––Because I don't know what else to do!

You don't. Get it. You never get it!

And you don't get it either!

[ ...takes a deep breath. ]

I'm not like her, Kohime. [ said softly as she makes an attempt to bandage her arm with the shredded bits of her skirt. ] I'm not going to leave you.

Now, please, look at me.

[She stabbed right through, so this is a 'needs stitches' kind of situation.]

No, you don't!

I don't know what kind of world you came from, but this one is like mine –– you don't get to have everyone, and everything! You get nothing and no one, and someday you'll have to choose.

[ she's still going to bandage it up until she decides if she's calling a sensitiv or intensity. fuck. she can't believe she stabbed herself this badly. ]

...

I think the only big decision any of us will be making is the decision of heaven, hell, or other. And I already made mine a long time ago, ...

I feel like I'm just incapable of making you happy. Like, we're doing so good and then... [ grits her teeth and huffs, sniffling a bit. ] You should know I'm not one to follow the rules or, like, give up and stuff, and who is going to tell me I can't have it all? Who's going to stop me?

I want you. I want them. [ but her endgame will probably net her no one. ]

[She leans in, tone bitter.]

And when they say, save me or him?

I don't accept the black and the white, Kohime.

I'll find a way to save you both.

That's not a real answer and you know it.

[Shoves her, hard.]

You'll pick him.

[ stumbles back. ]

Don't tell me what I'll do, ...
Since when has anything I've ever done been conventional?

[Quietly:]

If it was me, you would have just said so.

I'm not willing to give up on any of you.

[ she takes a deep breath. ]

And I know you're upset about King. He's someone that's been here from the start for me. Not to mention we're on the same unit, so we've had more of a chance to form a bond. I know you probably don't consider coming in behind him much of a feat, but considering the things we've been though and how we came to be... I think our bond and relationship is special in its own right. Whether you think I'm full of shit or not, Kohime, I do love you, and I do really care for you, and there's nowhere I'd rather be than right here. I cherish the time we spend together, and I'm hoping that when push comes to shove in the endgame... I can make the decision to make you completely happy.

You're hoping?

. . .Come on. We're not kids. Hope is for children –– and dumb hearts and sparkles princesses, probably. There's what you can do, yourself, and nothing I do is going to change things, is it?

[She waves her bloody injured arm, indicating her nasty little stab wound.]

...it has nothing to do with that sorta stuff. It's more like... I'm committed to making bad decisions, I guess, and there's nothing that's going to stop me from taking her out. I have to. I can't not, especially now, because I have too. many. reasons. [ she balls a fist. ] She's hurt too many people I care about and [ digs her nails into her palm until she's drawing blood. ] that's not okay. But maybe, like, deep down I know that I'm not strong enough and I don't know how to get strong enough, so... if suddenly I'm given the opportunity...

I'm not good enough, basically.
I have to be strong enough to... to do everything I want to do, because otherwise I'm just going to let everybody down, myself included.

It's what happened back home, and... and that... it still tears me up inside. If I had been stronger, then maybe I wouldn't have, like, ...I...

[ but she's getting off topic. ]

[ she moves toward kohime to catch her hand. ] I'm going to do everything in my power to be strong enough and good enough, so when the time comes I don't disappoint you. I know what we have isn't ideal, but you have to know [ she drops a kiss on her hand. ] that I do care for you and I would lay my life on the line for yours.

[She doesn't say:

I hate this.

I want to hurt you like you hurt me.

But I'm so tired of being alone.

And second place is the best I'll ever get.

Instead, she just sounds tired as she says:]

Maybe she's not that bad. I mean, she picked me over Shadow Weaver. So, you know, there is that.

...

If you don't get revived by a pep!, then she sends some shit minion of hers to drag you to her, so she can mindfuck you, and then while you're still reeling she corrupts you with some of her patent hell glue.

And that "deal" didn't have to happen in the first place. You're not getting a damn thing out of it, are you, ...just fu- [ she just shuts her mouth and doesn't finish that thought. kohime's already feeling poorly. ]

Let's go get you patched up. SensitIV or Intensity?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject